you don’t like the middle of a life transition (and what you can do about it)
William Bridges, psychologist and author of the book ‘Transitions,’ argued that transitions begin with an ending and end with a beginning. After the ending has happened and the beginning has been initiated, there’s a middle space, where things haven’t solidified yet; we are left to figure things out and find our way. The challenging part is we don’t know how long it will take for life to settle.
This is where I’m at.
It’s been 6 weeks since I came back to California to live out experiences that I want to have. And I feel like am floating around.
Part of that is by design. I am house sitting, visiting people, traveling, camping. I’m enjoying the summer exactly as I want to, literally ‘floating around.’
Which means I’m not settled yet.
The ending of my transition may have happened, the beginning may have started, but the middle space does not follow a linear path. The middle space can take time.
Being in the middle of a transition means some days you may feel excited about the new. Others, frustrated or anxious about the lack of familiarity, routines, and habits, and the presence of a lot of uncertainty.
I woke up this morning noticing that my business has been my main anchor, or focus, for the past couple of years. I had a routine and patterns of working that have been disrupted, and new ones are still being shaped.
The middle of a transition is characterized by its uncertainty. When faced with uncertainty, the first instinct is to try to gain control of everything that we can.
Have you ever done this? It’s exhausting.
By design, I’ve stripped down my locus of control to what is essential: what I do and how I spend my time. I’ve set boundaries for myself to protect the new version of me and that has been a great guide for me as I move through this process.
The difference in this transition vs. previous ones is I trust the process and trust myself in it. My answers are coming, and I can be gentle with myself as I go.
Here are 4 tips to help you navigate the middle of your life transition:
🌱 Prioritize self-care. Big changes are stressful. When your nervous system is in fight/flight mode, your energy is frantic, your emotions and thoughts impact your decision-making and behavior. Make time in your day to ritualize a mindfulness or somatic practice. Come into your body to tune inward and stay out of the stories in your head.
🌱 Set small goals. Don’t try to do everything at once. For example, it would have been overwhelming for me to move to Mexico, immediately enroll in Spanish classes, and travel the area. I took it day by day, sometimes month by month. Small steps forward acclimate your nervous system to your new reality. Then, celebrate yourself after each step you take to signal to your nervous system that the step was pleasurable to take.
🌱 Bring familiarity into the unfamiliar. What positive habits or patterns from your old life can you introduce into the mix to bridge the gap? For me, making sure I have dates and almond butter with my coffee every morning has become a ritual, no matter where I am. It’s comforting (and tastes good).
🌱 When you notice yourself controlling, ask yourself:
What am I trying to control and why?
What can I let go of to reduce my stress levels?
How can I trust myself more in this process?
What would it look like to surrender to the flow of this transition?
BTW - I’ve got 3 spots open in my private coaching practice for the midlife woman ready to build her new life on her terms.
Want one? Schedule a 45-minute call with me here even if you think you’ve got this nailed. You’d be surprised how we can get in our own way when faced with big changes in our lives!
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